The Spun Yarn works with and provides beta readers and manuscript critiques for all kinds of authors. Our Author Profile series highlights some of the successful authors we’ve worked with, getting insight into their process so other writers can learn from their experience.

Mark Roser spent 22 years on the mission field in Africa where he pioneered churches, developed a four year Bible college, and taught on TV and radio. He received theological training from Xavier University, Centerville Bible College, Cincinnati Christian Seminary, the University of Biblical Studies, Louisiana Baptist Seminary, and a Doctorate in Biblical Studies from Logos Christian Graduate School.

As a celebrated and successful Christian pastor, Mark has always focused on the “big questions” of life. After returning to the United States following more than 20 years in Africa with a growing family, Mark and his wife Patricia were faced with the unimaginable challenge of losing their son Ethan in a tragic accident. 

In working through the grief of losing his son so suddenly, Mark turned the journey into a moving book, Blindsided.

Tell us about your book.
No parent anticipates burying their healthy child. Least of all––me. 

God had kept my family safe for twenty-two years in Africa. My youngest son was happy and unusually trouble-free. Everyone knew Ethan because of his smile, both at his high school, at his soccer club, and then at his college. He was nineteen years old. He had every reason to live. 

I struggled to breathe when the police detective told me, “Your son was in an accident. Are you sitting down?”  

Blindsided best describes it.

Media outlets around the world reported on “the freak accident,” and a series of articles followed, ranging from wonderful character tributes of Ethan to hurtful claims of “his inattention” as the cause of his death. The story had several elements of interest that caused it to go viral: the apparent randomness of the accident. I mean who dies during a track and field event? It happened at a premier Christian university, Wheaton College, during a supervised event, and over a hundred people watched Ethan die. It also happened to “a good kid” who was studying to be a pastor. 

For me, I needed to know why God permitted it. While wrestling with that age-old question of “why?” I also sought to understand how the accident had happened. The question of culpability was directed at Wheaton College and the NCAA.   

Even before I buried my son, I began writing a diary of events from the time I got the news. It helped me keep my sanity and process my raw emotions and questions. This timely chronicling of my journey makes the book accurate and authentic.  

At the same time, as a research personality type, I read what I could find on grief, but I could not find a book written by a pastor who lost a child that provides biblical answers to the why question. I could only find grief books that provided the standard answer that there are no answers this side of heaven. 

I knew God had His reasons. I also believed He was willing to answer my question as to why He allowed the tragedy to happen. Little did I know how profoundly He would answer me, and that His answer would have repercussions for multitudes and deep theological implications. Yes, the answers He gave are real to life, and biblical, and they address the root questions that fuel grief: why God allows tragedies and what culpability people have in any given tragedy, since God’s sovereignty and human responsibility play out in every life.

For anyone who believes in God, the “why” question is always there, whether they voice it or not. Yes, my book is controversial. I maintain that there are answers. That the God of the Bible, the Father of Jesus, answers us. That He shares the mind of Christ with us.   

Looking back, I can see my whole life was in preparation to write this story, not because I have lost a child, for many have lost children, but because of my theological training and years as a practitioner over two decades in Africa as a missionary, and the fact that before my son’s death, I had researched and published four books on big questions: God’s sovereignty, Satan’s modus operandi, missional living, and mankind’s final destiny. 

I hope you will allow me to share my story with you, for I believe it is God’s story, embodied in the person of Jesus. A story God tells in Scripture and that He has told through the centuries in countless lives, repeating itself again and again with equal intensity. And it is a story we all must hear again and again, lest we forget.

Where did you get the inspiration to turn this tragic loss into a book to share with others?
Ethan’s life seemed way too short, with too much unrealized potential and too many hopes and dreams buried with him. As a result, this question pierced my heart: “Who shall declare his generation? For he was cut off out of the land of the living” (Isaiah 53:8). The first week after he died, I took many long looks at Ethan’s picture on my desk. His eyes were radiant and playful. It was as if perpetual laughter resided in those eyes, a delight with life and a love for everything around him. It was then, though overwhelmed by the impossibility of my task, that I promised him I would tell his story. “My son, I must make your amazing eyes speak again!”

Soon into the exercise, writing was a way for me to spend time with Ethan and relive some precious moments, because they had ended too abruptly. It also became a way for me to learn from his life and death. Little did I know that I would be recording an ongoing conversation God had with us concerning our son’s life and death. 

Tell us about your writing process.
Writing from day one was therapeutic for me.  A book by Patrick O’Malley, “Getting Grief Right,” confirmed that writing my grief story was the best way to process my grief, although at times I felt like I was trying to drain the oceans dry. The tears were flowing every day, and the place to cry was in my car. 

A psychotherapist, O’Malley’s experience validated other important aspects of my grief journey since he too found that his grief and that of his clients didn’t match the Kübler-Ross paradigm of five stages of grief, which is so deeply embedded in our cultural consciousness. O’Malley thus challenged the idea that mourning proceeds predictably from one stage to the next when done properly, and that grievers can expect to reach some psychological finish line. American culture, he argues, in pursuit of happiness, compartmentalizes mourning. Thus, mourners are advised to gauge their grief until they “get over it” or “move on,” as if grief is some bad emotion that must be discarded as soon as possible. That approach, however, provides no comfort, just more pain and added anxiety. Instead, O’Malley found help in his grief and helped others in their grief by having them share the stories of the loved ones that they lost. For me, this was just what the doctor ordered! 

It was only well into recording my experiences that I knew that God, who was comforting me with the greatest comfort my soul has ever known, would use my writing to comfort others, as deep as their sorrow might be (2 Corinthians 1:1-7). 

O’Malley’s book also explains that people grieve differently, because no two people are alike, and no two relationships are the same. Everyone has had different experiences in life too. That also helped me understand my wife’s grief, as she and I were grieving very differently in the early period of our grief.

I spent the first three to four hours of each day writing. That was when my mind was most clear. I did that for the first two years when I wasn't traveling overseas. I also took a handful of month -long breaks to get feedback and have editing work done.

In working through such an emotional time in your life while writing about it, how did you feel about the writing process?
I can’t say I enjoyed it. But I can say I felt purpose and found pleasure in imagining how the message might comfort others who had experienced loss, especially as the timing seemed perfect to publish with the Covid pandemic as so many were losing loved ones and those close to them. 

What's the biggest challenge for you in the writing process?
“Killing my darlings,” number one. And related to that was being willing to take the time necessary to let the writing ferment. At first, I thought I’ll have this book in print in twelve months, then I thought two years, but it took all three years. Had I stopped too soon, it would be a book read by family and friends, more of a sort of running eulogy about someone they knew and loved. But now I see my journey was meant to benefit others who have experienced loss, to help them find comfort in their loss. 

Also, now maybe to help other writers tell their stories the best they can…

How was your experience with the Spun Yarn?
The Spun Yarn helped me improve my writing in every area of storytelling. From dialogue, to setting, to plot-tension, you name it. The feedback provided has made it a page-turner. I have received positive feedback daily. Today, I got this note via my oldest son.

Johnathan:

You don’t know me but I feel like I know you through your father’s words. I just finished reading “Blindsided” and it touched me so deeply...

...A little backstory: my son, Garrett, was Ethan’s dorm mate at Dallas Baptist University. He was on the bottom bunk, right under Ethan. Garrett always spoke so highly of Ethan, even after Ethan made the decision to transfer to Wheaton. Garrett, Billy, and Tyler spent a lot of time together and Garrett loved Ethan like the brother he never had. He, like everyone that knew your brother, was hurt so deeply by his tragic passing. 

Because of Garrett’s praise for Ethan, I started reading “Blindsided” as soon as it arrived in the mail and couldn’t put it down. I finished it in less than two days-a huge accomplishment for someone like me who readily admits he doesn’t enjoy reading. 

The book touched me on so many levels and I felt this overwhelming need to write to my three children. The following is the verbatim text I sent to them:

“I just finished reading Mark Roser’s book about Ethan. Between tears and laughter, I came away with several pervasive thoughts that haunt me. Life is so fragile and a parent shouldn’t have to bury their child. That said, I also realized that Ethan’s life and death touched so many people deeply. Mr. Roser struggled mightily with grief and even questioned God why he would take such an awesome worker that could have done so much for the Kingdom. I can’t imagine his pain. However, he ultimately also realized how much Ethan’s death would advance God’s kingdom—“a thousand Ethans” or more found Christ through Ethan and those thousand Ethans likely led thousands more to Christ and so on. For me, the greatest lesson I learned from reading this book is how remiss I have been as a father. I don’t tell any of you how much I love all of you near enough. When you have children, hold onto them tightly and never let them doubt your love  for them. I LOVE EACH OF YOU DEEPLY and I’m so proud of all of you. 

Love, Daddy”

Please tell Mark and Pat how much Ethan touched my son’s life and his walk with Christ. I have seen Garrett grow so much in the last four years. He has also struggled with injuries, including an ACL tear. But I’ve also seen him become a great man of God. I have no doubt that Ethan’s positivity and influence have helped Garrett in so many other ways that I can’t even begin to fathom. Ethan was truly a special person.  Garrett is the only member of that Freshman soccer class that remains at DBU. Due to his injuries, he has one final year of eligibility despite already graduating and entering graduate school this fall. He continues to wear a wristband with Ethan’s number during every game to honor your brother’s memory. No one else on the team knew Ethan but they ALL know Ethan’s story. 

Thank you so much for sharing your brother with all of us. 

How did you find your publisher/agent?
I found a publisher after a long search at a number of various publishing houses, some that were hybrids of traditional and self-publishing. I almost self-published before I found Paraclete Press, and I went with them because they were prepared to print a first run of 20,000 copies. 

What's your favorite quote about writing?
“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler’s heart, kill your darlings.” -Stephen King. The first part of this quote is my favorite quote. For a parent that meant “even when it breaks your paternal heart.”

What encouraging words or advice do you have for other authors?
Don’t rush it. Writing and rewriting, editing and re-editing is like fine wine. The longer you give it to ferment the more satisfied the reader. 

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Learn more about Mark Roser, Blindsided, and his other writing at his website, mcroser.com.

To learn more about The Spun Yarn and see how you can use their manuscript beta reader program for authors to help make your writing even better, click here.